Intentionality.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
Well let me just tell you:
in·ten·tion·al·i·ty/inˌtenCHəˈnalitē/
noun
Every year, I have been given a word. A word that moves and shakes that year. This year? Intentionality (not much of a mover and shaker if you ask me). And strangely, it is maybe the most difficult of the words I have heard. "Abundance." Now that was a good year. I can handle that one. But for some reason, intentionality seems tricky. Also, you're a little late to the game, Word-Of-The-Year (or maybe I wasn't listening).
To me, "intentionality" carries with it a "be here now." Be present. Be intentional with both actions and (here's the hard one) thoughts.
I had a journal entry the other day that had a bit of an odd juxtaposition; it was a feeling that I really believe to be true but on the other hand also found it to be mildly impossible in my wee mind. It said, " I feel myself being pulled into something so much greater than myself... and it is fantastic." immediately followed by, "be here now."
Well which is it? Now? Future? Stillness? Pulling? Yeesh, Word-Of-The-Year, make up your mind!
But there is something startlingly beautiful in this intentional state. I feel more deeply, it seems. Feel everything. Which (if you know me) can be quite dangerous, but it is also good. and necessary. Is "therapeutic" the word I'm looking for? I don't know. Sure. It also helps me see where I am going a lot more easily than if I was just bumbling down a path with my eyes closed (duh).
If you have been in the dark as to where my life is right now, I recently moved from Texas to Colorado. By myself. This move has been a tiny bit more terrifying than I had anticipated. A small part of that terror was just the fact that it was all getting away from me. Things were moving and settling and I was just flitting from one thing to the next with the same careless surface-skimming that made this move necessary for me in the fist place. It was like driving through a garden in a car with the windows rolled up. Yes, I caught glimpses of the beauty. I was moving forward and could check "saw the garden" off of life's list (no. that is not actually on my list. but you get it.), but I was missing all of the greatness that makes a garden what it is. I was end goal-ing instead of letting each step add to the adventure and excitement (a habit that has been prevalent for most of my life).
So.
Here's to this!
Breathing. Mountains. Friendships. Fire-pit nights. Journaling. God. 30. Art. Constellations (you know you can see those here? cool.) Finding myself where I am. Dealing with those skimmed over heart-issues. Adventure. Intentionality. Here.
Final note:
I was in yoga the other night (yeah. I do that now. hippy.) and this "in the moment" who-ha was going through my mind. Well, our cool-down-meditate-center-yourself-lie-on-the-floor-but-don't-fall-asleep song was Ray LaMontagne's "Be Here Now;" A song that I have loved for years, played on repeat, fallen asleep to, and of which I had [apparently] never noted the lyrics. So, in case you do not know the song of which I speak, here is a video of that bearded beauty singing away. I recommend lying down on the ground and soaking it in. It worked for me. Maybe spritz a bit of lavender? Find a sweaty stranger to hang out next to you? I don't know.
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I hope you enjoyed it. Namaste. (just kidding. I don't really say that. who do you think I am?) (check back in a month.)
